Game Day Preview: TBirds & Pac-1x

OK, I had no idea that those little clay-mation figurines played football. Really? It’s a team from where? Cedar City? Iowa? Utah. Another Utah?
Given that this Cal team couldn’t bother to get out of bed (or attend tutoring sessions) to attend last week’s game, this does not bode well for this warm-up game for the trip to Central O-Hi-O for the dance with the Flower people.

What do we know about Southern Utah? Other than my high school football coach playing there (at least I think he did – I may have gotten it confused with another directional school – Eastern Utah? or maybe it was Utah State?), I know as much as you do. Like they will probably be better prepared than we are despite being blown half-way into Montana by Utah State last week 34-3 with the Aggies leaving another couple of touchdowns on the table. Certainly last week’s game provided any opponent with a laundry list of ways to exploit Cal’s paper towel defense. And facing another talented QB in BYU-transfer Sorensen, the Bears could be in for a long afternoon if they can’t apply pressure early and often (sounds like instructions from a First Aid handbook). Oh, and barring any more surprises, like Tedford starting me at wide-out because of some other disciplinary action.

Like you, I’m still cheesed off about last week so it is hard to concentrate on the upcoming game with the specter of the Flowerians on the horizon. I called it Cal by 14 in the preseason report and I’ll stick by that until the 4th quarter.

In the rest of the Pac-1x, what a weekend.

$C face the Orangemen in a preview for what it may be like for any football team to be burned alive or crash into the mountains.  Or both.  Take $C and 21 points…

Quacks and Bulldogs – can the other Red Tide swing an upset in the den of the Duck.  Not likely – its a rebuilding year and the Quacks are as scary as it gets. Quacks are building a 6-story football facility and will begin playing a 3-D version of football.

Badgers vs Large Brown Rodents which brings up the question of what exactly is a Badger?  Is it in the dawg family, or in the cat family, or perhaps related to the raccoon?  Sorry, your time is up!  It is… a Weasel.   So why weren’t they called the Wisconsin Weasels for the alliterative effect.  As you all know, I wouldn’t have my funeral in the stadium that potato salad built in Corvallis so I have zero sympathy for the Weasels.  Upset pick of the day.

The Dawgs face the Tigers in that cemetery which passes for a 90,000 seat stadium in Baton Rouge (Red Stick?  really? French explorer Sieur d’Iberville leading an exploration party up the Mississippi River saw a reddish cypress pole festooned with bloody animals that marked the boundary between the Houma and Bayou Goula tribal hunting grounds. )  OK, so by now you’ve figured out what the Tigers plan to do with the Dawgs.  Something involving a cypress pole, no doubt.  Viewing not recommended for children.

Huskers vs fUCLA in a preview of the Rose Bowl (in 2026).  Actually, the Huskers may very well end up in Pasadena if someone doesn’t stand up in a rather decimated Big Ten.  OK, so someone help me here – they’ve divided the Big Ten into two divisions: Legends and Leaders, each with 6 teams.  Which adds up to 12.   Meanwhile the Big 12 lost two teams so they now have 10.  So why didn’t they just swap names?  Jeez.  Its a road game in an impressive structure, but Huskers will lose the jitters and take over in the second half.

Ill take on the Solar Satans in the place where the Cards used to play.  Devs face a defense this week and have to figure out what to do.  If ill Ill quarterback Nathan S… can play, then the game takes on a different complexion and hopefully someone has brought the suntan lotion – oh, its a night game so that won’t be a problem.  Toss-up.

Cowpokes take on the ‘cats in another game we can’t see on DirecTV.  OK, these are the Cowpokes who put 84 points on Savannah State (and you get extra points if you can name which State that particular Savannah is in).   Another Superstar Pac-1x coach gets tested as well.  And he fails the test.

Other games involve abbreviations that I think are either airport codes or secret pentagon projects – SUU, CSUS and EWU.  I think the CSUS is the top secret Center for Surveillance under Surveillance in Quantico.  EWU is the airport code they almost picked for Newark when it became obvious that EWR made much more sense.  And SUU – no idea.

But to heck with the Football stuff, I actually saw this Jabari Bird kid play against our very own Half Moon Bay High in the NorCal championship tourney.  To begin with the entire Salesian team looked like they could compete in the Pac-12 and Bird was something to watch.  Actually their pre-game warm-ups were something to watch – a cross between ballet, modern dance, and Harlem Globetrotters exhibition.  Precision, speed, and ball movement.  Clearly meant to scare the hell out of their competition.  And he wants some of his high school buds to come with him to Cal!

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